One subject keeps surfacing in my work with both my coaching clients and participants in my training classes. The subject takes many forms and shows up in many different situations, but the underlying question remains the same: “How do you move a person (team, organization, etc.) towards higher levels of cooperation and participation?”

Most of us — me included — find it easy to state our opinions and to communicate what we want. However, we often have difficulty understanding what other people want from or see in a situation. This difficulty lies at the heart of the struggle to gain high levels of cooperation and participation.

The problem typically comes not from the logic we use but from our approach. We state our opinions, and we expect people to immediately buy-in. Often, they do not. In his book, Questions are the Answers, Allan Pease says: “If you say it, it’s your idea, not theirs, so [people] feel justified in raising objections…” By stating our opinions first, we often trigger this automatic objection response. As a result, we find ourselves engaged in a double monologue rather than a true dialogue. I say what I think. You say what you think. Neither of us truly connects with the other’s perspective.

Great leaders have the skill of creating true dialogue — not simply double monologue. One highly effective approach to creating dialogue is simple in concept but difficult to apply. Simple in concept because the idea can be easily stated: ask better questions. It is difficult to apply because we have to overcome the natural inclination to state our perspective rather than to ask questions.

When we state a position, it is open for debate, and unlikely to encourage cooperation. If we ask open and genuine questions, other people will often reach the same conclusions we have reached. So, they own the conclusions and are more likely to accept and act on them.

The specific questions you ask will depend almost entirely on the situation. However, I have identified five basic types of questions to keep in mind. Good questions will:

1. Clarify the other person’s perspective

For example…

• How do you see this situation?
• If I understand correctly, you feel _____________. Is that correct? 

2. Reveal what the other person knows about a situation

For example…

• Do you have any experience with this type of situation?
• How have you approached these issues in the past? 

3. Uncover misunderstandings and miscommunications

For example…

• I understood that ____________ happened. Have you heard anything about it? 
• You know, I thought we were supposed to be doing ____________. Was that your understanding also? 

4. Stimulate the other person’s thinking

For example…

• Why do we do __________ the way that we do it? Is there a better way?
• Do you know the history on _________________?
• Do you have any thoughts on how we could improve the process (system, results, etc.)? 

5. Solicit the other person’s ideas

For example…

• How would you handle this situation? 
• Is there another option we could consider?  

Good questions create a foundation for higher level thinking and for building a cooperative, participatory environment. One warning — watch your tone and body language. It’s easy to sound aggressive and interrogating. If this happens, the approach fails miserably. Keep your body language and tone open and friendly, and questions can pave the path to better understanding and cooperation.

So for now, I encourage you to remember this tip . . .
 
Ask better questions.